UNBIND CHAPTER 40 ‒ INSIGHT INTO CAI’S MIND

Guys and gals,

I am currently writing UNFURL, the sequel to UNBIND. #NaNoWriMo has so far helped me add 30,000 words to this WIP.

The following extract does NOT appear in UNBIND, neither will it appear in UNFURL. This is extra material, for those of you wondering about the content of UNFURL…

UNFURL is a dual POV novel that will take Chloe and Cai right up until present day. The tagline is “NO SECRET DIES”.

UNFURL will answer a ton of questions but also take Cai and Chloe’s relationship to another level… so here is a tiny, little *unedited* insight into the mind of CAI MATTHEWS…

***

I felt torn between maintaining composure and doing what she was trying to do earlier—rip the punch bag from the ceiling and then kick the stuffing from it until there was nothing left.

I wanted to smash something. Hard. Chloe didn’t know but I was an undefeated champion on the underground boxing circuit in New York. She didn’t know that all the stuff she was telling me—she used to compete and then gave up—made her more like me than even I could have guessed. I was stock still on my gallery floor just because I was terrified if I moved, I’d start punching and I wouldn’t be able to stop.

She’d just told me the horrific circumstances surrounding that scar on her head. Worse—she’d told me about the one man in the world who was meant to protect her no matter what—and he hadn’t.

“I have this memory,” she said pointing to her skull. “I can remember all the names and faces of people I’ve ever met. I remember when I fell from a rope swing into a stream when I was little, I was wearing some cheap high-top trainers I loved. They were ruined by the mud. I remember what top I wore to a school disco when I was 13, a thing I spent hours picking out. I remember the day Kay got her first tattoo,” she smiled such a sad smile it made me swell with love for her, “I remember how long she spent making sure the design was right, how faint she looked when the dude doing her ink brought the needle toward her skin. I remember the ringlets in Amanda’s hair and how innocent they were and I remember every, single moment of pure evil he ever wrought on us. You see I can’t forgive, Cai, not when I can’t forget.”

I shut my eyes, the red fury replaced by incensed, overprotective love. “I wish you’d told me all this sooner, tigress. I wish you had.”

“Why?”

“Because I’ve spanked you and hit you. I didn’t know, Chlo.” I finally allowed myself to react and slammed my fist against the floor, the urge to keep hitting something there… but quelled by her resounding presence.

“Yes, you’ve spanked me lots of times and I never said stop because I like it that we’re open enough to do that. It’s not the same, Cai. It’s just not… you’re not spanking me to hurt me, you’re doing it because you’re expressing our bond, our passion… I love it when you spank me. I love you.”

I wanted to rip her father’s insides out, then my own. “Look… the truth is… I don’t like spanking, Chloe. I don’t fucking like it. I just do it because I think you want it.”

I didn’t like it. I didn’t. Yet I wanted it. Wanted it like I wanted to fight. Hated that aspect of myself, couldn’t caution myself enough about the danger of letting myself loose, yet all the ways she made me feel unleashed me. Set me free. Made me who I really was. It was just that, he was a man I didn’t like, wasn’t yet happy to be. I didn’t want to be ME.

“I do want it, but only if you want it too,” she said passionately, like she thought she was saying the right thing. She was saying what she thought I wanted to hear but it wasn’t her fault she didn’t know the whole of me—I’d tried to keep the dark away from her shining light.

I felt manic, shaking my head side to side. “I want to please you, I always said that. I want to give you everything you need.”

“I only want you to make love to me, how ever you need to make love to me. I don’t care how… I love you. I just need you holding me. I don’t care about the rest, Cai! I don’t care!”

She was yelling, trying to make me listen. I was listening. It was just she didn’t know… she needed to know… but she didn’t know about the real me.

The demons danced constantly on both my shoulders.

I had to divert this away from me, so I stood and started pacing the room rapidly. “You’ll fight everyday now, Chlo. I’m not having you hide who you really are anymore. You’ll fight me and I’ll teach you some better tricks than the ones you learned. I’ll teach you and protect you. I don’t care if you hurt me, you can hurt me because I can take it. Chlo, you have to be who you are, do you hear me? You don’t know how much I need that from you? Please… say you’ll fight again, for me? Please baby.”

Her soft, plump body captured mine from behind and pressed against my back to give me shelter. “I’ll do it for you, if you ask it of me.”

I turned and put my hands on her warm cheeks, asking, “Fight for me.”

“I’ll do it.”

She let the demons keep dancing by not asking any more, but I didn’t mind, I’d rather they danced on both my shoulders than touch a patch of hers. “Good. You’ll still keep your figure. I want breasts and my big ass, still.”

“Okay,” she said, and then to quell the conversation, I took her upstairs.

I had something to prove to myself, not just to her. I had to give over control. I could do it. I could be different, I could break the cycle. I removed my clothes and told Chloe, “Tie me up. Do whatever you want to do to me. I need this. Now, do it. Damn it. Tie me up, tigress and use me. I’m yours to use, baby.”

She proceeded to bind me and dominate me. I was hard for the touch and scent of her before she even began kissing my body, inch by inch. I begged for her soft layers to take me home and it was a temporary reprieve from the raging war inside my mind.

The man I wanted to be and the man I was didn’t much like one another.

BUY UNBIND ON AMAZON…

**IMPORTANT NOTE** UNBIND does not have a cliffhanger. It was originally intended to be a standalone. Readers said they wanted more answers, so….

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Unofficial #NaNoWriMo Blog #3

I managed to produce 12,500 words in the first week, which wasn’t bad. It was pretty good actually and some of those were through a bit of editing, too!

As I mentioned before, this is unofficial because I am mid-project. I am reaching a stage, too, where I need to have a little breather from that project. So I may move onto another while I just have a break from that. There’s a short novella I’ve been planning a while so now’s as good a time as any to figure that out onto the laptop. I am still going to try to ensure I’ve written at least 50,000 words by the end of this month, in whatever form!

In other news, life does indeed get stranger everyday…

I have possible BIG NEWS to reveal soon. I also recently got this review of UNBIND and just had to share it here because it meant a lot to me… so here you are:

Format:Kindle Edition
From the very first paragraph, I was hooked on this book, having not read a synopsis or a blurb. I received this book a week or so before publication date as an ARC and had just finished the Song of Ice & Fire books, followed by a Terry Pratchett… this was an entirely different type of story. There was something about the way it was written that captured my imagination: an old house, a graveyard scene, something hidden within an angry young man.

From that point onward, with each chapter read, I delved further into this very real world of secrets and experience. The main character, a journalist, a writer, moves to London and finds herself lost and overwhelmed, finds herself the object of sudden interest, and a relationship sparks. Hot erotica flows gently through the scenes between them, but only ever in context to the story and never sex for sex’s sake.

The story is well paced yet moves briskly across the Atlantic Ocean, weaving a historic tale of family issues that cut deeply into the psychological profiles of these characters. Chloe, the journalist, and her new found interest, Cai, present their own true-to-life traumas, dipping from the sad and traumatic to the sadistic, and through all of it still managing to make a grab for a turbulent love affair.

This book brought me to tears at one point, so strong was the powerful and personal emotion presented, and by the end of the book, I found the perspective of truth from each character painting a completely different set of events, much like the human condition tends to do outside of fiction. I really loved reading Unbind. Sarah Lynch is a truly talented writer. A beautiful book.

Purchase on Amazon:
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A Bargain For Your Kindles

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EXCERPT:

We stared at one another and as we did, something low in my belly tightened and I was mesmerised. The blazing sun through the windows made his eyes glitter. Before I knew what was happening, we were fighting for kisses. Violently tasting and trying to own one another. He held tight to my hair at the sides of my head while I pressed my hands to his pecs. Our tongues, teeth and lips weren’t concentric.

His lips travelled the length of my throat and he kissed my heavily exposed cleavage, groaning against my flesh, setting me alight. His hands wandered up and down my sides, tracing the outer curves of my breasts. I could have stayed there all day, kissing him.

Except then he got scary again and threw himself away from me, complaining under his breath, muttering words not meant for me. He ran both hands through his short hair and sure seemed tense. He looked out of the window at his side, looking anywhere but at me.

“We should get some coffee,” he mumbled.

“Okay,” I agreed, though frightened.

Coffee was what Americans did all the time, right? They just ‘got coffee’ to chill themselves out. They did coffee. ‘We’ll do coffee,’ like, ‘We’ll do brunch.’ That type of casual thing. I was clutching at straws—was he taking me to coffee to say we were a big mistake waiting to happen?

He drove the car away from the curb and I couldn’t help but notice he was driving angrily. In fact everything in his stance and expression was angry. It made me feel really uncomfortable and I didn’t like it.

“Why are you being an arsehole?” I mumbled with my hand over my mouth, looking out the window at all the sights meant to be thrilling me. You know, foreign stuff that’s ace just because it’s foreign. I couldn’t care less about where I was truthfully, I just needed to draw a line under what this man did to me… get answers on why he was behaving this way.

He gunned the car harder and I asked, “How far to this bloody coffee place?” How much more terror can I take? He was seriously driving recklessly, taking corners too hard, punching the brakes with his foot, fists grinding against the wheel.

He didn’t relent and that’s when I snapped. “Stop!”

He didn’t react.

“Fucking stop or I’ll…”

He pulled into the sidewalk sharply and glared, “You’ll what?”

My hands were up against the roof of the car, bracing myself—but for what? Anxiety must have taken over. “I grew up surrounded by violence and I will not tolerate your caveman behaviour. If you’re gonna be a cock, then be a cock on your own time. Otherwise just tell me why you’re acting weird.”

“Weird?”

“Yeah, weird. Why are you so angry?” I glanced at him, realising I could take my hands down. I folded my arms and took a deep breath, levelling my eyes to his. “Is that why you box? It’s like… the way you look, right now… it’s scaring me. You’re a coiled spring, desperate to release. Admit it.”

He bent over the steering wheel and nodded, taking some deep breaths of his own. He chuckled hysterically and brought his eyes back, apology now in them. “I’m sorry, I’m an ass. I don’t know why I’m being like this. Forgive me?”

“Okay,” I blushed. He reached across and nudged his nose against mine, and I held his cheeks in my hands, staring at his shut eyes. He took some more deep breaths.

“Forgive me?” His warm breath heated my veins.

“I do,” I said, my heartbeat probably as loud as my words. I wanted to tell him so many things in that moment. You know—that I wanted him more than I’d ever wanted any man, that he could trust me if he needed to, that I would be there for him. It just wasn’t the right time to, though, I knew it. “Shall we get that coffee? Jetlag is starting to kick my arse.”

He winked, “Sure.”

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REVIEWER THOUGHTS:

For once, and here I congratulate the author, each love scene was individual: not merely a rehash of the same actions such as we often read.

The author developed these characters so effortlessly, piecing their back stories together as the plot progressed. The mysterious nature of ALL of the characters throughout was quite thrilling and kept me guessing all the way to the end.

I really enjoyed the well-written story and quickly fell in love with the characters, twists and turns. Will be reading all Sarah’s books now.

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One of the secrets of UNBIND…

It’s been a busy week of writing, editing, networking and… I have gotten a few more reviews of Unbind! I’m quite proud that most readers seem to be coming back with the same thoughts – the sex is well-written but isn’t tantamount, yet adds a certain extra flavour! Even one lady told me her husband says, “Thank you.”

I am reluctant to talk about Unbind until enough people have read it (finding time for the old plugging is proving a nightmare right now with one issue or another!). Anyway, there is one dynamic of this book I’d like to talk about and it’s the day that changed the life of our hero in this novel, Cai Matthews. I drew from Ian McEwan with this one… the scene where Cecelia and Robbie “do it” and her little sister gets totally the wrong impression… you know the one, in Atonement. By the way, I love Ian McEwan but someone once told my love scenes were a bit more, well, you know…

In my bid to be contrary and write something I hoped would be totally original, I wrote the same pivotal scene in Unbind from three different POVs. The day Cai’s life changed forever can not only be viewed from his perspective, but also his mother’s, and the spying housekeeper’s. Each POV (deviating from the main narrative which is Chloe 1st person, past tense) is from the third person in past tense. I just wanted to twist words a little bit because you have to question what’s true sometimes. We’re so often given a headline or a news bulletin, you know, and we take it as truth. I had to stand from above this scene and look down on it from a bird’s-eye view, then tell you what people are seeing or more to the point, not seeing. Sometimes, there’s just that little piece of missing info that sheds a ton of light on the scenario. I think we read third person like we read first person, the only difference is in third person we have less of the emotion and we’re not driven by the protagonist as much, more by the narrator delivering that passage or chapter(s) as the action happens. You’ll have to read it to decide for yourselves… but I doubt you’ll think this is the cleverest trick I rolled out in this book!

Anyway, the title Unbind very much refers to the nature of the Catch-22 Cai finds himself in, and this is what he has to find his way out of, but you might not expect the way in which he does escape…! The whole Unbind-ing of his predicament isn’t simple, and so, moving into the planning of the next novel… we shall have a much more emotive delivery of Cai and how his world works. We will dive right into the mind of an artist… and one thing I am desperate not to do… is rely on soap-opera to move my writing along. Nope. I won’t include a car crash or anything like cheating or whatever… this is purely a character assassination (with sex) that will hopefully test me and my writing yet again, hopefully thrilling you in return! Ideas are already brimming my mind!

Check out Unbind if you’re looking for steamy romance with just that extra bit of intrigue and some characters that feel real to me, so I hope they do to you too! One elderly chap said, “This would sell without the erotic elements.” I think my week is complete. 🙂

****NEWS NEWS NEWS****

UNFURLMy Latest Series…. the SUB ROSA books!!!!! Yes it’s a series now!

When I was writing Unbind, I was so conflicted about where I was taking the story. I wanted to write a standalone and in many respects, the novel does work as a standalone. There isn’t a cliffy.

However, there are a lot of aspects of the novel that can be expanded upon. There are deep, dark secrets and nothing in Unbind is ever as it seems.

In my mind, there were always going to be three books in this series and there will be three. I just didn’t know if I had it in me to write more. Cai and Chloe are complex and their FULL story just doesn’t fit into one book.

Unfurl will be an expansion of Unbind and that is all I am prepared to tell you right now.

The third novel will feature the story of a different character. A really, interesting character.

I didn’t want this to be a series but all the time, certain ideas niggled the back of my mind. I wasn’t sure if I had the energy to continue writing these characters’ stories but it appears I do!!!

Add to goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23454305-unfurl

Unbind, the first novel in the SUB ROSA series

I never intended this but I can confirm, Unbind is the first novel in a new series.

I argued with myself and my editor over this so much. I had so much material here and I strove to keep this within one novel. I just couldn’t. Half of the next novel is already written because I have so much material in notes, in the MALE POV that were removed from the first book to maintain the mystery of Unbind. It’s funny sometimes, when you come away from a novel, you sometimes feel like the characters just have more to tell and it’s not anything to do with the fact that you just can’t let go. Sometimes it’s just that their stories were BIG and you just couldn’t fit it all in one novel. There is stuff left over. In this case, it was just that CAI was too interesting a character to let slope off. His family history is so broad and sprawling, there is more there – I feel it. I want to reach out and grasp the rest now.

SUB ROSA… the name given to Cai’s family home in Connecticut. In Latin… and if you look back at history… it means a lot, lot more. That is all I can say for now. A master manipulator is at work in these books and no secret dies

THE SUB ROSA series will encompass two novels that follow on one from the other… and a possible third novel, a spin-off, featuring an entirely different character(s). Watch this space!

Pick up Book One at sale price now… http://mybook.to/unbind

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Unbind Teaser

UNBIND TEASER

Synopsis:

We should chase away from what we’re scared of, right? Run as fast as we can. Yet some of us seem to veer toward chaos and destruction…

Chloe sees anguish and despair lurking beneath the surface of Cai Matthews, the dark and dangerously handsome freelance photographer she meets on her first day in a new job. She can’t see straight in his presence—blinded by a blistering sexual attraction that has the potential to sweep her clean off her feet.

When Cai disappears from the workplace and doesn’t come back, Chloe tries to find out more about his life but all she knows is he’s set to inherit a ton of money and his aunt runs one of the most famous fashion magazines in the world.

Cai is running from a complicated past he doesn’t like talking about. Gossip columns rage with speculation concerning him and his aunt, who took guardianship of Cai after his parents died.

Conscientious journalist Chloe has a mind for details and once she gains access to his world, Cai realises she could undo every, single dirty little secret that he and his aunt have tried desperately to cover up.

Buy links:

AMAZON UK: http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00NLQHHQK

AMAZON US: http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00NLQHHQK

UNIVERSAL LINK: http://mybook.to/unbind

Pre-order Unbind now…

Prologue

Connecticut, 2000

THE OUTLINE OF a petite woman dressed in a gauche ensemble grew bigger as she walked toward Cai. He inwardly groaned, Go away. Please, not her. She stomped across the uneven, old cemetery in her high heels, unceremoniously marching over long-forgotten graves to make her way to where he stood. He noticed her limousine loitering in the distance and reasoned the wake was long over. She’d be hacked off he missed it. Of course he’d purposely avoided the whole thing—fake smiles, apologies, pithy remarks from freeloading drunks and plain fakery from all corners. None of them knew the woman his mother really was. To most she was just a reclusive artist with a ton of secrecy surrounding her unusual lifestyle.

The last mourner there, his neck ached from fixing a constant gaze down into the ground beneath his feet. Tossed earth and red roses marred the gleaming white coffin and he wondered what the point of it all was. His mother wouldn’t know the difference, would she? Then again, he wondered what the point of life was some days.

All day heavy rain clouds had threatened to send him indoors and yet he remained, gazing down into that joyless hole that a man lurking nearby was impatient to fill. Now dusk, it was the dark that might toss him home.

Both parents, gone. The most recent, his mother.

For some reason, he couldn’t mourn. All day he’d willed even a few tears to come, but none had.

His aunt’s hand fell lightly on his shoulder and she tried to tug him away from that site. He knew she was talking but he didn’t hear her, not until she started shouting.

“I’ll have no more nonsense, d’ya hear me Cai? Indoors, now!” She ravaged his ears with a strong, cockney accent.

He thought this woman—his new guardian—crude and dislikable.

The night closed in fast but Cai still refused to leave. The undertaker waited in his truck nearby, talking rampantly on his cell, poised to finally get the job done. Several times that day, Cai had threatened to throw himself in with his mother if he wasn’t given enough time.

There’d never be enough time.

Aunt Jennifer had only just turned up in his life though for years his mother had raved about her incessantly, telling him how glamorous and travelled and individual she was.

“I just learned it’ll be me who oversees your financial affairs, Cai.” He didn’t miss the cool tone of her voice when she said his name, like he was a duty and not a person. “Best start the way we mean to go on… you… being behaved, I mean.”

“Why you?” His teenage voice squeaked slightly, only just broken. “Didn’t Mom leave the lawyers in charge?”

“I don’t know, Cai. Your mother was strange but maybe she did make one sound decision,” she told him firmly. “I’m family… I’m not a faceless pen pusher.”

I’d take one of those any day, he thought.

Fourteen years old and orphaned—all he had left was an aunt he didn’t know and a house full of bad memories.

“I don’t want to stay here. That place,” he said in a rush and gestured to his mother’s mansion nearby, “gives me the creeps.”

She licked her painted lips. “Lucky for you I just landed a job in New York City; they have the best schools anyway I’d bet.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. Escape. Freedom. Somewhere different. That Georgian estate he’d grown up on was full of ghosts and secrets.

The looming white building could be seen from his current hillside vantage point and he didn’t know what was worse—living in a place of nightmares or staring out of the window at the consequences up on the hill.

“We’ll keep the house running… maybe offer it as a wedding venue. Keep it in the family, so to speak.”

“For now, maybe. Later, I’ll demolish it,” he replied.

“We’ll see. This could be an earner for you, love,” she said calmly, but the fingers she kept at his shoulder dug in painfully.

He turned to look at his aunt and saw through the dramatic black veil she wore. All that make-up and elegance, all that poise and style, yet he recognised people by nature were all the same beneath.

He kicked the earth, his hands in the pockets of his slacks. “When I come of age I’ll sell, or better still, have every brick removed and taken elsewhere. I’ll smash it to pieces, bit by bit!”

She scoffed, seemingly unflustered. “Huh, well, we’ll see. There’s a clause, old fashioned but… you’ve inherited as a minor so you’ve to marry to inherit otherwise you won’t get the money before your twenty-fifth birthday.”

“Typical,” he mumbled, stalking away as soon as the first, tender splashes of rain tumbled down. The undertaker cursed desperately in the background, threatening all sorts.

“My sister wouldn’t have wanted you to sell,” she shouted over his shoulder. “She loved this place.”

His mother and aunt British-born, Claudia was the elder sister and had inherited the estate in Connecticut from her father’s elder brother. Claudia’s decision to leave London meant the sisters lost touch somewhat and it was in America that Claudia met Philippe Cortez, Cai’s father—the couple’s volatile partnership something Jennifer never approved of.

Cai and Jennifer were all that remained of a family which from the outside appeared to live fast, and die young.

She caught up with his strides, warning, “I’d advise you not to carry your father’s name, my boy. A man as notorious as him, well now… you don’t want to be tarred by the same brush. I’ll say you were my sister’s love child. I’ll say… well, I’ll make stuff up. After all nobody really knows what went on here, do they? We cannot have people thinking you are your daddy’s son. Do you understand?”

He nodded slowly alongside her, labouredly, and she repeated, “Tell me you understand?”

“I understand.” My father was a bad man.                           

They climbed into the waiting limousine and Cai hoped they were only going back to the house to pack their bags. He watched the skies open as she continued to dictate to him, the driver setting off without need of instruction.

“I won’t have any mucking about Cai, d’ya hear me? The life you knew is over. You’ll go to school and out into the world for a change. There’ll be no more hiding, d’ya understand me? You’re a clever lad and you’ll do well. You’ll behave and that’s all there is to it… you and me will get on grand if you just behave, hmm?”

He nodded slowly, not caring to show his inward pleasure. He’d been desperate to escape for so long, the smile threatening to break over his face hurt—even though he thought this woman was out of line talking to him that way. Like a child. He’d seen things that made a boy a man.

Jennifer knew he’d had a strange upbringing and she was going to remedy that. The nightmare of the past fourteen years was officially over—and she’d saved him from that in some part, when she could have left him with the servants.

Cai would sell the estate as soon as he got chance, or burn it to the ground. If nothing else, he would at least have every rose on site destroyed so that they never grew again.

He’d wait until he could be free of his aunt—who was just another reminder. Hell, he might even consider getting married.

REVIEWERS PLEASE CONTACT ME THROUGH THE CONTACT FORM ON THIS SITE! THANK YOU!!

PRE-ORDER from AMAZON UK…. http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00NLQHHQK

Should be available in other territories very soon!

Unbind, coming soon….!

No release date yet, but this happened today…

 

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I mentioned the other day that I was digging my heels in over ending this novel and I realised why today – as I typed in the words every author usually longs to write. This time, I was loathe to.

With the writing of Unbind, I had so many little plot strands to make sense of in the last few chapters. It was an ordeal sitting at my laptop trying to think about how to slot this puzzle together in a nice, neat ending that doesn’t do any of the characters any disservice.

All I can say is that if you truly allow yourself to become invested in my latest story, the last few words really will pack some punch. I won’t tell you how I reacted to actually typing out THE END. I will just let you experience this book for what it is. It is a novel best enjoyed knowing nothing about it.

??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????I have to do a read-through now before I decide whether it’s ready for other eyes!

Those who have already expressed an interest in my latest work – I will contact you soon if you asked for a review copy!

**COVER REVEAL** **COVER REVEAL** **COVER REVEAL**

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A new job and a fresh start in a different place . . . ? Can we ever really escape ourselves . . . ?

I was just a girl who fell in love. My first day as a showbiz journalist and he was the one element to make me realise everything I previously thought impossible really wasn’t. I’d just been hiding for years. Until he made me remember who I was, where I came from and what I’d once done for someone I loved ‒ and would do again if I had to.

Kincaid Matthews was a devastatingly artistic photographer, hiding behind a mask concealing his own pain and sorrow. His real talent he hid from the world ‒ and I wanted to know why.

He lost both parents at a young age and I wondered . . . ? Had he ever dealt with that grief? Time showed me that Cai wasn’t grieving for the past . . . but a future he didn’t think was achievable. He made me believe anything was possible, but for himself, he couldn’t see any kind of horizon.

I was just a girl who fell in love and fate called on me to unearth a terrifying family secret . . . you simply couldn’t imagine.

(ADDING TO GOODREADS MOMENTARILY)