Tainted Lovers is Live…

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Title:

Tainted Lovers

Genre:

Romantic erotica/suspense

Page count:

424

Series?

Complete standalone

Listen to me reading Chapter One without any rehearsal, I just picked it up and read it (sorry if I sound shite! you can read along below):

Chapter One

Easter, 2003

 

I worked as a cataloguist of special documents at Leeds University’s Brotherton Library, which had some seriously interesting old scrolls and manuscripts among its collections. I landed the job because I had tenacity. I wanted the job because it meant not dealing with the public. I was waiting until my son Billy was a little older so that I could give more time to my studies and finally do my accounting degree.

Occasionally I left my office but only to make the dis-tance from my workspace to the café nearby. While Billy spent time at the crèche every afternoon, I worked. I didn’t need the money, just some sort of sanity.

One day I was leaving my office to pick Billy up on my way home when I spotted a man stood nearby at the self-service units, looking perplexed.

“Excuse me, excuse me,” he called in a panicked voice. He held one foot on the floor while reaching high in the air to signal me over the tops of the high booths. Looking around, I saw no other members of staff available to help him. It was getting toward the end of the day for most people and also, it was nearly the Easter holidays and the past few weeks had been the busiest of the year. Most of my colleagues were surviving on cigarettes and bitching sessions to keep them going.

Walking toward him, I asked, “What’s the problem?”

It wasn’t my job to help him, but I was familiar with the self-service machines.

“It won’t let me take out this book.”

Part of me had already clocked the fact he was beautiful but I tried to ignore that.

Attempting to take his book out for him, I muttered under my breath, “Where is everyone?”

“I’ve been stuck standing here for god knows how long waiting for help.”

I nodded along, hearing angry beeps from the machine, which refused to let him take out this book. Looking closer at the screen, I realised the computer bore a message:

 

This title is reserved.

 

Pointing at the screen, I drew his attention to the message and he answered, “Yeah, I reserved it. About four months ago. So did everyone else. Some shit keeps hiding this and none of us can ever get hold of the bloody thing.”

I picked up the book under scrutiny and held it in my hands. It was an old book on medieval chivalry with a brown, warped cover and thin pages nearly falling apart. The book had illustrations in colour but it was at least a hundred years old and should have been a reference title – if that.

“This shouldn’t even be on a shelf,” I mumbled, “it should be under my care. Look at it.”

I felt him staring at me for a while as I examined his long-overdue/reserved book. “A soft spot for battered old books, eh?”

“I’m actually in charge of battered old books,” I told him. “Just wait here a second.”

“Okay. I’ll wait,” he said.

I caught a softness to his voice, perhaps affection, and the tone caught me off guard. Looking directly up into his eyes for the first time, I was throttled by what was staring back.

Our eyes locked. I think I burned from every pore. My belly filled with heat and my heart rinsed off its icy cage in an instant. Staring at him, my feet rooted, I realised he wasn’t affected at all, not whatsoever. Cool as ice. I hated him a little for it.

“In… a… wait,” I mumbled, not making sense.

I rushed off back to my office and sank against the door, panting, trying to slow my heart. Never had I been so affected. Light-headed, I tried to catch my breath.

Clutching the book in my hand, I remembered I had a job to do. My PC on standby, I started it up again and searched the catalogue number.

It was a borrow, he wasn’t lying. Not a reference title. Flicking through it again, I realised it was one of the core subjects our medieval scholars studied – on chivalric court-ship. So I knew he was either an MA student or higher. Going by his eyes, he was a few years older than me.

Anyway, I needed to get rid of him.

Quickly.

I overrode the system and did something naughty, cancelling all the reserve statuses so the book could start a new cycle of temporary ownership. No doubt some div hated his fellow classmates and wanted nobody else to have access to the book, a rare title which could make or break a dissertation.

Gathering myself, I took some deep breaths, my bag clutched under my arm and the book clutched at my chest.

Leaving the office again, I walked fast because I really needed to pick up Billy.

“Hi,” he said as I rejoined him.

Stepping in front of the self-serve machine with authority, I asked, “Library card, please.”

He handed me it and I took the book out for him, avoiding eye contact altogether.

Job done.

“There you go.”

“Thanks… how did you…? Thanks!” He stuffed the book into his rammed-full bag as I began walking away.

I chased down the stairs, not wanting to give him chance to follow me. I had two flights to get down, though. My exit was through the Parkinson building, and the stairs outside were steep and dangerous. I had to slow down to take them.

“Wait, wait!” He caught up with me, a hand on my forearm slowing me down as we got out into the open air. “I know you.”

“I have somewhere to be,” I huffed, impatient.

“Adrienne, right?”

I dared look into those chocolate-brown eyes again and another electric current shot through me, even stronger though this time. In the light of day, I saw how deeply brown his eyes really were – and smouldering – with umber striations.

I folded my arms. “So what? I saw your library card, David.” I sounded pithy. “You saw my name tag. Big deal.”

“No,” he shook his head, “Adrienne Kyd. I know you. Well,” he chuckled, “I know of you.”

I examined him carefully and the familiarity became clear.

“You’re a Harrogate boy,” I said through gritted teeth.

So, my past was inescapable. A boy from my hometown had found me.

But just how much did he know?

“Everybody knows you… or knew you,” he said, but while his tone was affectionate, his eyes remained devoid of any feeling. He looked at me like he was looking right past me. It was something about his steady gaze. I couldn’t read him. He seemed, guarded.

Anyway, he wasn’t lying. Everyone knew me. I was Miss Harrogate 2000, the same year I got together with Marcus, my ex – the donator of sperm that created my child (he was never a father).

“I’m not trying to be rude… I really do have somewhere to be,” I insisted, avoiding his eyes at all costs. I couldn’t help notice he was mentally undressing me, sizing me up for the kill.

“Can I give you my number?” he asked.

“No.”

“No?”

“No. Goodbye.”

I charged off. Petrified wasn’t a word I thought I understood, but right then, I did. I purposely wore dowdy clothes, no make-up – and worked in the backroom of a library. I hardly ever let my hair down (literally) and I didn’t try to make myself look attractive to the opposite sex whatsoever. In fact I was glad to be invisible but that day, my magic cloak seemed to have worn off.

I’d never been so scared before in my life: I’d fallen in love at first sight.

 

***

 

Even though I worked at the library, people may not have even known that. I passed through quickly on my way to and from places; always with my eyes focused on leaving, always with an air of inapproachability so that people never stopped me in my tracks. I lived in my office, end of. I wore a name badge I always tried to hide by folding over my cardigan. I wasn’t on the help desk. I didn’t deal with returns. I didn’t want to talk to people. I didn’t want people to ask me questions and know things about me. I was quiet. I talked to one girl I worked with, Bebe, and the rest of the staff thought I was some sort of mentally ill person with antisocial tendencies. It worked for me.

However. After that first encounter with David, I was no longer a ghost fluttering in and out of that place. I was a target. David hung around in the afternoons, waiting, watching. He asked if he could carry my bag on my way out. He tried to slip his number into the palm of my hand. He even stalked me at my favourite coffee shop in Parkinson, finding out from the owner what my usual tipple was. The coffee shop owner said David had paid for me to have free coffee for the rest of the academic year. I was molten with fury and longing – torn between giving into my urges and tearing strips off him for refusing to let it go.

 

Not many days later, I had to run an errand over to the geography department which was expecting a new delivery of old maps. Because of my infrequent escape from the office, I don’t think David expected me to catch him with another girl that day. I watched from a distance, hiding myself behind one of the many trees lining the pathways of our campus. I spotted him and a redhead on a bench having a heated discussion, and then a second girl walked up to them. A brunette. The two girls faced off, seemingly fighting for him. David was able to slope off because they were too busy arguing. He chased away once he’d put a safe distance between himself and the two ladies, heading off campus it seemed. Once I knew he was gone, I left my hiding place and walked along to my destination, passing the two girls as I did. All I heard from the redhead was, “He was mine first, keep your hands off.”

The brunette replied, “Don’t you see? He’s playing us both…”

I didn’t hear anything more, but I was sure as hell certain David wasn’t a man to be trusted. I certainly couldn’t afford another man like that in my life.

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19 days to go…

With 19 days to go until this book’s release… here’s a little snippet of BEYOND ANGEL AVENUE, an emotive, devastating tale. A sequel to Angel Avenue, this book delves into the archives, revealing why a hug meant so much to Jules when she first met Warrick Jones all those years ago…

Prologue

 

fac841f0ca653d0da35a9f773eb1bb8cJulianne, aged five, danced for her mother, some TV show blaring in the background. It was the Christmas holidays and they’d cleared a big space in the living room. Julianne’s father slept upstairs. Recently sacked from his job, he was constantly moody and irritable. Lorraine, the little girl’s mother, didn’t want her husband to know she was teaching Julianne to dance. She didn’t think he would understand. She also knew he might get jealous. Julianne’s one Christmas present was her first set of ballet slippers. While all the other boys and girls had piles of presents under the tree, this mother and daughter shared a gift beyond most people’s wildest dreams.

“Julie, no telling Daddy,” Lorraine would often say, and Jules would tap her index finger against her nose.

In her second year of school, Julianne would turn six in February but they didn’t have money for dance lessons so Lorraine taught her daughter at home.

“Extend, my pretty, oh that’s beautiful, that’s wonderful,” Lorraine exclaimed as Julianne – still so young – already demonstrated natural-born ability. “Have fun, move as you wish.”

Julianne pranced and giggled, swishing and swooping, her mother such a good teacher that she encouraged freedom of expression as well as discipline.

“First position Julianne, good.” The little girl raised her arm and held the back of the sofa to steady herself. “Plie, my darling, oh yes, keep your back… oh perfect, you don’t even need me to say.”

It was clear how much strength the little girl already had in her core. She had muscle definition, even for one so young. Lorraine had been teaching Julianne since she was three and a half.

They heard creaking upstairs, signifying Julianne’s father was getting up.

“Quick baby, let’s put the room back.”

They returned the sofa against the wall and put the coffee table back in the middle of the main floor space. They sat on the sofa and Lorraine grabbed some Value crisps for them to sit and eat, making it look like they’d been doing nothing but veging out in front of the TV.

“Where’s my tea?” Julian Simonovich asked gruffly, falling heavily into his armchair.

Without a word, Lorraine stood up and went to the kitchen.

Julianne stared at the TV, not looking at her father.

When Lorraine returned to the room with tea and toast for Julian, she told him, “We’re going out for the groceries, alright?” Her voice carried little affection.

“Get me some more of them pop tarts,” he grumbled, “fucking hate scabby toast.”

For your munchies, more like, thought Lorraine.

“We can hardly afford bread let alone overpriced junk,” Lorraine countered.

“So get another job. It’s not my fault I got sacked.”

Lorraine bit her tongue. It was his fault, but he was looking for anyone else to blame it on.

“I can’t. What about Julie? Who will get her to school and pick her up?”

He grunted. He was barely out of bed before ten everyday and he would no doubt forget to pick his daughter up. Besides, Lorraine didn’t trust him to look after Julianne. Lorraine would do anything to keep her daughter safe. Anything. Working as a receptionist for six hours a day was all she could manage and she didn’t want to put upon Julie’s grandmother, who was a bitter woman with a bias for her son. A pub job in the evening would mean leaving her child with Julian and Lorraine didn’t trust him not to go out and leave her all alone. She wouldn’t have put it past him. In the last year everything had changed for the worse and Lorraine was worried about the future.

“Let’s go, Julie,” Lorraine ordered, helping the girl on with her coat and boots.

They left the house, trundling down the hill towards the centre of town and the shops. In Frozen Foods, they picked up all the bargains on the £1 shelves and Lorraine submitted to Julian’s demand for pop tarts.

“Why are you sad, Mummy?”

“I’m not sad.”

“You are. Why don’t you dance with me? Why don’t you want Daddy to know I dance?”

Avoiding Julianne’s eyes, Lorraine explained, “A demon lives in Daddy. It makes him say and do and want bad things. Dancing is a good thing, yes?”

“Yes,” Julianne nodded, happily.

“He might try to take away anything good from us. We must keep all our good locked away, so he can’t steal it. That’s why I put your dance fund under the floor, honey.”

“Oh.”

Lorraine was saving up a few pounds each week so that Jules could go to dance school when she was older. For now, most of her hopes and dreams seemed so far off – but she had great ambition for Julianne, her second chance.

“Can we go to the park?” asked Julianne.

“Okay, but it’ll be very snowy!!”

“That’s okay, I want to build a snowman.”

“Okay.”

Lorraine sat on a bench with the shopping at her feet, chilling it on the ground. Julianne pranced and rolled in the snow, giggling her head off.

“Show me how to dance the snow angel dance, Mummy! Show me, show me!”

“No, darling, no.”

“Pleeeeassse!”

Lorraine stood and wobbled on her feet. “No, Julianne. No. Let’s go home.”

The child held her mother’s hand on the way home but she was shaking and trembling, in fear of her mother suddenly.

“I’m sorry, Julie, but I had my love of dance stolen from me. I never fulfilled my promise darling.” Bitter tears gathered but didn’t fall from Lorraine’s eyes.

They arrived home to an empty house and Lorraine grumbled to herself. Julian had no doubt gone out for his fix. While he was gone, Julianne suggested, “I’ll dance again to cheer you up?”

“No, no, darling, it’s okay. I don’t want you straining your little legs. We’ve tired you enough today. Why don’t we just do each other’s hair, hmm?”

“I like doing your hair, Mummy.”

Julianne brushed out her mother’s hair, which fell to her waist. The little girl tried to plait it but wasn’t quite skilled enough yet and by the end, she was making more knots than anything. Then Lorraine skilfully plaited Julianne’s hair into a French braid.

“You’re my beautiful mummy,” Julianne exclaimed out of the blue, and Lorraine squeezed her daughter tight, feeling richer for having a daughter’s love.

Lorraine would never leave her daughter to that foul man.

But for some reason, she did…

**END**

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FABIEN: The Vampire Serial – Is Now Complete

OFFICIAL FABIEN fabien is mine i'm yours

Book One

Centuries ago Fabien was thrown from his coven for betraying the queen who had claimed him as hers. Leticia chose him for his sexual prowess and never expected he would fall in love with a pathetic human, something she couldn’t forgive. Cursed to live alone, Fabien harbours a small hope he will one day encounter the reincarnation of his one true love.

One cold Christmas Eve Fabien bites a man who he believes could lead him to the one woman who might break the curse he’s been forced to bear for far too long.

The ancient vampire sets out to woo her in the only way he knows how but unfortunately for Fabien, love proves to be his constant undoing . . .

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Book Two

A dark, erotic tale of vampirism and witchcraft…

IN PART ONE, A Christmas Tale, vampire Fabien felt sure he’d finally found the reincarnation of Juniper—his one, true love—and on New Year’s Eve, they left a house party to go back to hers and consummate their reunion.

However, not all was as it seemed…

IN PART TWO, Fabien Is Mine, a twist in the tale forces him to confront the evil vampire queen, Leticia and their first meeting in more than three hundred years means either certain death for him—or renewed sexual enslavement.

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Book Three

In the final instalment…

Fabien knows he’s going to die—he just doesn’t know when exactly—and even though he has the love and devotion of the new vampire queen, it doesn’t seem to be enough.

He’s doomed.

He’s spent a whole summer knowing it may be his last with Juniper, the love of his life, and now he’s about to face his reckoning.

The shadow from the other side warned Fabien his task would become clear—he just never knew what it would involve. If he’d known, he might have chosen death long, long ago . . .

For audience 18+

Contains some m/f/m situations.

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The Anthology

fabien anthologyFeaturing all three novellas in the series: A CHRISTMAS TALE, FABIEN IS MINE and I’M YOURS, FABIEN

Do you believe in true, everlasting love?

Witchcraft?

Reincarnation?

Immortality?

Vampire Fabien’s erotic story of trying to find his one, true love through the centuries includes mishaps, murder and a depraved queen determined to control him in every way. As he inadvertently wrecks families and tears lives apart to get back to his lady Juniper, he’s warned that no matter what happens, he will die before the first summer he spends with her is over.

Is Fabien’s fate sealed, or can he overcome evil to claim the life he should have had?

BUY NOW FOR A SPECIAL PRICE of $1.99/£1.29

 

EXCERPT FROM I’M YOURS, FABIEN . . .

I watched detached, disengaged, disgusted that this was ever my life. I hadn’t attended a banquet in over three centuries but once upon a time, I would feast as Leticia was doing that night.

She and Louis suckled the red’s nipples, one each, as Leticia rubbed her hand up and down Louis’s length. With most other artless vampires already sucking and licking each other’s sexes, I was fixated on Leticia and Louis as they enjoyed their feast a little slower, more skilled at what they were doing.

Louis grinned and chuckled at Leticia as the red-haired girl writhed against her bonds, her eyes flicking open and shut, the whole experience like a dream to her, not reality.

Louis spread the girl’s legs and slipped his fingers beneath a full, red nest of hair, easing his digits inside her. As Leticia took their victim’s clit between her teeth, I watched from afar as little rivulets of blood fell down the sides of Leticia’s cheeks—streaks Louis cleaned as he moved his fingers in and out of the girl still.

The was just the starter. There was so much yet to come. Virgin blood was purest and therefore, could fuel a vampire with lust for days.

As Leticia took charge of pleasuring the girl, Louis moved behind Leticia, who kneeling spread her kneels slightly so Louis could lick her from behind at the same time. Louis drew blood from Leticia also and devoured her, his nails scratching down her back, behind and haunches, the wounds dripping blood but healing immediately.

I couldn’t deny the sights aroused me and I was hard with the thought of taking blood, using blood and sharing it. I was also hard thinking about taking a virginal body with my inordinate phallus, but that was the beast in me talking, a creature that craved something new all the time, something more.

Maybe Leticia thought I would eventually join in because she never looked around to find me and beckon me over. Perhaps she thought I would join her and Louis in a bedchamber later and there, we would have our own private after-party?

i'm yours teaserfabien and juniper FABIEN TEASER

Unleash – Prologue

KAY (4)

April 2014

I HEARD IT from a friend of mine sitting in the ‘congregation’ at Jennifer Matthews’ memorial: Cai Matthews broke down in the middle of Carl Sorensen’s eulogy and couldn’t be comforted—in fact his whole body seemed to be shaking and not only did his wife look worried, but Carl did too. I was in South London shopping for necklaces at the time but after hearing the news, I couldn’t concentrate and abandoned my work-based trip to head back to the Elle offices in Soho. There I got short shrift from colleagues when asked if I knew what was going on and I said, “How the hell would I know? I haven’t seen them yet.”

I got back to my desk and after sitting twiddling my thumbs for long enough to know I wouldn’t be able to concentrate on anything else all day, I told my boss Kendra ‘Kensey’ Lindsey I was leaving for the day.

“To get the exclusive?” she asked in her husky Scouse accent as she sat at her wide, white desk, littered with proofs, layouts and post-its. I knew she would sign off most of it without even really checking things through.

“Don’t joke, Kendra,” I fired back, disgusted.

Her poker-straight blonde hair perfection, her pale features made up in nude tones—if only she wasn’t wearing some awful, lime-green monstrosity. The woman couldn’t dress for shit though people excused her as ‘subversive’ or ‘trend-setting’.

Bull—shit.

“You work for us, not them.”

I took a seat in the chair opposite hers. It was absurd of her thinking I would squeal so easily. Time to pull her down a peg or two. Faced with someone trying to cut down my friends, I could turn nastier than any animal caught in a trap.

“There’s no exclusive here,” I assured her, “just a man who lost a relative. Plus the last time I checked, there was no us and them. Chloe left Frame two years ago to work for Chanel and Cai’s got more influence outside the fashion world than you could ever hope to earn. Clearly you’re barking up the wrong tree if you think you can persuade me to not only betray my friends but cross such powerful people, too.”

She tapped the end of her pilot pen against her teeth. “I have it on authority there’s something about that family, something like a mystery, and they don’t want anyone to find out.”

“What authority?”

This confrontation had been coming a while, I supposed. Most of the time she and I didn’t talk. In fact I despised her, but a job was a job.

“That would be telling.”

“Well, I’ll be visiting Chloe directly after here but I won’t be coming back with any kind of exclusive for you.” Yes, I have a way in and you don’t. Stick that in your cauldron and smoke it.

She turned her chair sideways so all I could see was her profile. Tipping her head back, she folded her arms. “Ever since you came here from the higher echelons of Empire, you’ve never not judged yourself better than us. You obviously have no loyalty.”

“Yet you promoted me, funny that, isn’t it? But… you’re right, I have no loyalty,” I told her straight, my hands resting on the arms of my spinning chair, “but actually, I don’t think I’m above you, I know I am. For a start, I don’t bitch about every member of staff in this place behind their back and when I arrive in the morning and head for the coffee machine, I ask others around me if they want one too. I don’t make my assistant remake my drinks until I get the kind of high only an egotistical maniac does from exerting their power over others.” I watched her face turn scornful. “Also, you spreading it across the desk every night has been more than noted by the security guys and they’re not exactly silent about what they’ve seen on CCTV.”

She cackled, so proud of herself.

“I only ended up here after receiving a random email from Klaus Häuser, who suggested I drop his name. He used to be friends with my friend Chloe—though I’ve always wondered what the crack is with that man, picking up girls like Chloe, no morals or scruples—yet the world rewards him anyway.”

She sneered; she knew what she was. This ‘authority’ she talked of was no doubt him. “Why make apologies when nobody else does, either?”

“That’s the kind of antediluvian attitude I’d expect from someone worse off than you, not a woman given the world. So what is the downside of having this job, hun? What does he make you do in exchange… maybe, taking it up the butt? Does he do your paperwork and bully people into doing what you say? I just don’t get how you survive when you’re full of nothing but hot air.”

I was on a roll but I’d had it with this woman.

“You can clear your desk, Kayla,” she spat, trying not to show I was getting to her.

I’m just not done yet. “The nature of all this… it makes me wonder now. It does make me wonder about a few things, especially you and Klaus and your need to know about what’s going on with Chloe and Cai. Seems to me I’m stuck in the middle of a shit storm of lies, backstabbing and revenge, if the rumours about yours and Jennifer’s feud is anything to go by.”

Kendra swaggered, “She just never liked me. I don’t know why. She just wanted to be queen of everything, that woman.”

I stood and looked down on her. “You’ll give me a good redundancy package otherwise I’ll sell what I know about you to some tabloid and we all know how much they’re willing to pay.”

She stood with her hands on the desk and lowered her eyes to mine like she might pounce across and rip my hair out. Six foot, she towered over me but I could take her. She snarled, “You wouldn’t dare.”

“I’ve had other offers and I’ve built relationships with other magazines and companies. I don’t have anything to lose if I leave and everything to gain. I don’t care if you threaten me, I can do as I please. So, you’ll do me a favour and let me go with a nice exit package and I will keep your disgusting manners and your filthy fucking habits to myself.”

She gritted her teeth, “We’ll see about all this, we’ll see.”

“I guess we will,” I smiled, and left her office.

***

THE pretty nanny, Teri opened the door of Chloe’s Notting Hill mansion to let me inside and I had to shake off my hatred of Kendra and prepare myself for whatever drama Cai Matthews had created this time. The man was a menace. If only Chloe didn’t love him so much, I would have told her to escape to some colony and never come back. Trouble brewed around the Matthews’ clan like flies round shit.

I shook off my bag and coat in the hallway and quickly asked her, “What’s going on, then?”

“He seems calm now, actually,” she said with surprise in her eyes, “they have a guest, some tall man. Very dishy.”

“Oh?”

“Carl somebody.”

Shit.

I’d only ever seen him in pictures but I knew he was absolutely devastating.

“Tea, Kayla?”

“Err, yeah, I suppose,” I replied.

While she went into the kitchen to boil the kettle, I stood in the hall thinking about how to approach this. I knew myself and I knew, if he was even more beautiful in real life, I was about to make a total fool of myself. It was how I coped in these sorts of situations.

I took the door handle and thought, nothing for it.

I crashed into the room, all action, no thought. If I let myself think, I’d say something totally fucking stupid.

I looked between everyone in the room and let my eyes glance at Carl, who sat with his legs crossed, briefly looking up under his brow at me.

Shit, my heart is pounding like a motherfucker now. Can he see it kicking into gear?

The man exuded sex, grace and eligibility and I’d only had a glance so far!

When my eyes landed on Cai, Christ, I knew the man was broken. He was totally broken. He looked worn out, his eyes sunken, his olive skin pallid and wan.

What’s going on here? I asked myself.

I perched myself next to Chloe, holding out my arms. She rushed into my embrace and grabbed me tight, letting me know this was bad. She was suffering and she didn’t know how to comfort him. Cai, in a corner of the sectional seating by himself, looked like he was in a world of his own.

“Well now, I didn’t expect this, tea and biscuits, eh?” I said throwing my head back on a loud tut, reaching for humour, because humour always worked. “Cai, when she’s breastfeeding, you know she only eats packs of donuts!”

Not a speck of reaction from Cai.

I dared not look at Carl again, I might have come on the spot, but I could see him staring at me and it made me feel so uneasy.

“You’re such a bitch!” Chloe scolded me.

“Me? A bitch? I’m just looking out for you. So what’s been going on?” I was breathless because a huge, beautiful man sat opposite me and I wanted to stare back at him, too. However, I was there to help my friends, not jump the dishy American.

“You can’t just march in here like you own the show! We’ve been doing fine thanks,” she exclaimed, gesturing subtly to Carl.

You’re here to help Cai, you’re here to help Cai! I had to remind myself. I’d witnessed his meltdowns before and they were ugly, but this one seemed serious.

“Hmm, whatever, now let me see those big blues, Cai Matthews. Let me see them,” I asked clearly. He lifted his chin slowly and looked up. I could tell he was in pain, the kind you can’t express through words. “You finally snapped then, boy? Can’t say it surprises me, I’m just surprised you held out so long. Must be a tough one, you.”

He smiled a little so I pushed on, ignoring the elephant in the room, “Listen to me. Okay? I’ve got her so while I’m holding her, she’s okay, she’s safe with me. Now listen. I have some training in this area…” I’ve had several years’ worth of counselling, “…and what I want you to do is tell us the problem, how ever big or small, and we’ll all deal with it right here and now, we can all deal with it. I’ve got her, nothing bad will happen, because believe me this bitch ain’t as strong as me. Now, c’mon. Let it go, Cai. Just tell us the problem.”

Cai shook his head and removed his suit jacket, running his hands up and down his cheeks. “I feel like I need a drink.”

“Never solved a thing,” Carl said, and oh god, his voice made my nipples hard. In my bondage top and jeans, I felt contained and trapped. I wished I’d worn heels, not my big, clopping steam punk boots.

Keep your hat—or more importantly—your knickers on.

I agreed with Carl, trying not to look at his eyes for too long, turning my focus back on Cai. “Too true. How about you just try some deep breaths, from your diaphragm. Few deeps breaths. I could be doing with some fucking tea though people, the K.T. here be thirsty after three tubes and Kensey fucking me up.”

While Cai took some deep breaths, Chloe frowned and asked, “What? How?”

“The woman is a fucking bitch. She was all like, ‘You go get the exclusive from Chloe,’ and I was all like, ‘No sodding chance, luv,’ so then she was like, ‘Oh like that is it? Well I know where your loyalty lies Kayla,’ so then I told her to swivel on her stick and eat it. The shagged out old bag.” Not those words exactly, though that’s how it was in my head!

Chloe giggled but it was Carl’s reaction that astonished me. He covered his face with his hands and his laugh, so deep and throaty, turned me on even more.

It made me ecstatically happy to have made him laugh. My heart picked up even more pace and my eyes and his finally met for a stretch longer than a glance.

Hazel. He had hazel eyes.

I think that was the moment I fell…

***UNLEASH RELEASES JULY 9TH***

The Work in Progress (w.i.p.) Blog Tour

Writer and blogger Ebony Angel, who currently resides over at angelwithadirtyface.com, tagged me to share a little something of what I am currently working on. I recently met this lovely lady at the Peterborough signing and you should definitely check her out and follow the thread back to who tagged her and who tagged them and who tagged who… just keep the chain going!

This task made me think hard about what to share because my current WIP is full of potential spoilers for Unbind and Unfurl, books one and two in the SUB ROSA TRILOGY. The snippet that follows is from book three Unleash and I haven’t released many details about this book yet, but obviously it’s the last and final SUB ROSA book . . .

I’m going to tell you nothing about Unbind and Unfurl except those two books are Cai and Chloe’s story and this one is Kayla’s. Kayla’s story goes into a little bit more depth about hers and Chloe’s childhood and draws together all the threads previously laid out in books one and two. There’s been a lot going on behind the scenes that Chloe doesn’t know about and basically, this snippet gives you some idea of the network of people embroiled in the SUB ROSA secrets. Unleash picks up exactly where Unfurl left off. Below, I have removed some spoilers with the mark […]

Kayla has been an absolute scream to write. The research and well, just everything about the last book, has been an exhilarating, rollercoaster ride . . . and I can’t wait for you to get to know her better. So let’s go . . .

EXCERPT:

Valentine’s. There couldn’t be a worse day to be single, right? Wrong! I love being single. I’ve learned to love being single! What’s not to love, right? I don’t have unwashed pants to pick up off my floor nor any used condoms stuck to the toilet bowl or the bottom of my refuse bin. Plus the biggest bonus is that I know nobody can cheat on me as long as I am single.

When I finished university twelve years ago, I left my hometown behind and moved to London—basically for a man—and for the next nine or ten years (I don’t like to count the wasted time), I lived in misery. All because of my ex, Rob, a serial cheat I held onto for longer than I should’ve done and all because he was a vicious cycle I couldn’t stop repeating.

Now I’m free, what’s not to like about being single? Well, no sex is a bit of a downer but then again there are battery operated devices. Then again I could do one-night stands if I wanted to. If I wanted to. I’ll never be that type. [. . .]

My best friends Chloe and Cai are opening a gallery tonight. So here I am. Getting legless and swooping about the place like the social butterfly everyone has come to view me as. It’s how I’ve gotten here and it’s how I’ll stay in this world, I tell myself—being the flame every moth gravitates towards.

Except some days I feel so dark inside, I need other types of darkness to obliterate me. Like heavy metal throbbing in my ears at full blast from a pair of headphones or a bottle of bourbon I might find my way to the bottom of, so that I might find the bottom of me. It never works.

Cai has really good taste. This place is not only lit well, but huge. Like, massive. I could start running from the front door and have built up a full sprint before I reach the other end of the room. In the centre of the main downstairs gallery, a long row of leather armchairs and sofas divides the room, all of them facing opposite ways like musical chairs. Standing by a wall on my own, in my already slightly drunken haze, I imagine this being a great venue for a Christmas party, some bad Noddy Holder tune stopping as at least three hundred people try to squeeze their arses into the Chesterfields. I laugh to myself. My mind drifts easily, I guess.

The artwork in here is worth in excess of £1billion and no foppish Christmas party will ever take place inside. In fact, the armed staff in starched shirts are casting such a presence on this room, nobody could have fun without worrying they’d get bounced at the door. Anyway, back to the subject. The original floors have been polished to within an inch of their lives. I get that my best friend’s husband likes wood—he’s American after all—but this stuff in here is pretty amazing. Chloe told me he had the floor pulled up and all of it completely restored piece by piece. The walls are all painted a crisp white and offset the exceptional artwork hanging all around. [. . .]

When the racket of shouting photographers and screaming fans from outside hits the inside of the gallery, I groan and toss my head back. I grab another glass of fizz from a passing waiter and drown more of my sorrows. I know the only person on the guest list tonight who commands that kind of reaction is Carl Sorensen. [. . .]

I know he’s here because the hairs on the back of my neck are on end and my heart is racing so fast! Defiant, I turn my back on the room and absorb myself in the glass I’m holding—and in thinking about plans for my new business. I try to forget HIM, but it’s difficult.

All I feel is the heat in my cheeks evoked by the mere thought of Carl Sorensen, whom I haven’t even laid eyes on yet. However, I know he’s here. I feel him in the room. Every pore of me reacts to his proximity.

I hear Cai’s voice before I hear Carl’s but I know they’re walking across the room together, Carl’s arm around Cai’s shoulder. I see their images reflected in the large windows at the back of the gallery.

God, so, they’re best buds now?

Ugh.

I toss a side glance in their direction and now I feel even worse than I did before. He looks absolutely, unbelievably gorgeous in a designer suit.

Cai leads Carl to the temporary bar set up in one corner and the two chat sociably for a couple of minutes before Cai is collared by one of those arty farty types you thought only ever left their houses for bread, milk or cigarettes. Seems not.

Carl’s head jolts when he catches my eye. For a second I’m not thinking, not even sure I’m feeling, I’m just lost in his eyes. Then I remember…

* * *

I’d now like to tag my friend, romance author Audrina Lane to share some of her WIP and tell you more about her books. Also, I’m going to tag fantasy author Blake Rivers who has been a huge support! I hope you guys are able to share something!

Thanks x x x

#New #Release – The Second Book in the Sub Rosa Trilogy

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I’ll stab you in the heart.
I’m coming for you.
No secret dies.
But you will.

In the concluding part of Chloe and Cai’s tale of frantic, tempestuous, meaningful love…

When news breaks that enigmatic magazine editor Jennifer Matthews is dead, it irks Chloe that Cai refuses to shed even one tear. What she doesn’t know is that he was expecting it, perhaps even, hoping for it.

In this dark, romantic tale of revenge, Cai explodes the deepest, most destructive aspects of his past as he comes to terms with the tragedy at the heart of Jennifer’s downfall. With Chloe’s love and support, he must brave his demons and dodge death to finally end a bitter feud between two damaged families.

**This book is not intended to stand alone and is the second in a three-part series, concluding in UNLEASH – Kayla Tate’s story.**

unfurl collageEXCERPT:

“Tell me, when was it the hottest for you? Just now… or some other time?” she asked giggling, running her hands across my chest, nibbling my ear at my side.

“Hmm,” I murmured, stroking her butt, “it’s always hot.”

“No, I wanna know when… when was it the hottest for you, you can be honest.”

I licked the sweat from her neck and thought carefully. “Two times. I’m not sure which wins the contest, we might have to re-run.”

She cackled, her hand squeezing my butt beneath my slack jeans.

“Those two times, then?”

“The first time we ever did it,” I admitted, though that was a one-off I’d always told myself, “maybe, the time you tied me up, licked me all over, sucked my ass and rode me backwards cowgirl.”

She groaned. “Good times. Wanna know my favourites?”

I nodded against her shoulder. “Of course.”

“Well, Barbados… the first night of our honeymoon. I bathed in front of the ocean in that roll-top bath on the terrace, remember?”

“How could I forget?” I chuckled. “I thought someone would see.”

“You wrapped me in a towel afterwards and carried me to bed. You were angry the hotel forgot we didn’t ask for roses, but you lowered me to the roses on the bed anyway. You kissed every inch of me and I remember feeling so full, so womanly, as you worshipped my pregnant body.”

I ran my hands over her breasts and her flat stomach. “I love it when you’re so full and blooming. I love seeing you come alive.”

Her smile was carefree and she was so giggly. “I loved that night, it was the first time I couldn’t control my orgasms, the first time I felt like I really had no control of my body or my love for you. It scared me… but it was wonderful.”

I stared down into her eyes, our noses touching, knowing I would never feel so close to another human being for as long as I lived. “And the other time memorable for you?”

She smiled and held my cheek, one eyebrow cocked dramatically. “The night I tied you up.”

“Ding, ding, ding. I think we have a winner.” I growled in her ear, and asked, “I think it stands out because we haven’t done it since, yeah?”

“Yeah… I didn’t know whether you’d wanna do it again,” she said clawing her hands through my hair.

I laughed, it was ironic! “I was worried you did it that one time to humour me, that you didn’t initiate it again because you didn’t really like it. I thought ’cause that fuck Klaus made you spank him and you didn’t enjoy it, I thought you didn’t really go for that sort of stuff!”

She rolled on top and tickled my armpits. “To be honest, I think I knew even back then his intentions weren’t honourable. I think a woman knows these things, Cai, even if sometimes she doesn’t want to admit it.”

“Feminine intuition?” I cocked a brow.

“Something like that,” she admitted, “he was nice, but somehow I dunno, not right.”

I grabbed her ass and kneaded it. “Men are simple in some ways, complex in others. Sometimes a man’s desires can make him feel a little out of control. Like, he can’t concentrate on a thing else. I know my libido sometimes takes precedent… and I’d hump you every chance I got if we didn’t have company, if we didn’t have kids. I suppose when a woman’s in charge and she lets you know it’s okay to be nasty, it’s such a turn on. When she tells you that you’re filthy and bad, dirty and disgusting, but you see it in her eyes that she enjoys that… fuck, just that is making me hard thinking about it. Just you, wearing something racy… something black and tight, a paddle in your hand or something… wanting to strike me. I could probably come on the spot, Chloe. It’s not in me to want to mark you, but I’d love it if you did that to me! Don’t ask me why, but fuck, I just think about it… I think I know why my mother did it to so many men. I think it gave her some outlet when she didn’t want sex, you know?”

She bit my chest, rolling a nipple under her thumb, my arousal steadily climbing. “I want to dominate you again. It’s one of the nights amongst the many amazing nights we’ve had that I’ve thought about a lot since.”

“God, me too. Me too, Chloe. Shall we go online now and order a ton of shit?”

She shook her head, her voice low and warning. “You div. I’m in charge. You’ll do as I say… you’ll do it when I say, how I say, you’ll do as you’re told, and you’ll come on demand for Mistress Chloe.”

eBook purchase: http://mybook.to/unfurl

paperback purchase: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Unfurl-Volume-2-Sub-Rosa/dp/1508778248/

Click cover to buy Book One in the series:

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UNFURL – PROLOGUE

COMING SOON!!

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EVERYDAY I WOKE, and I was nothing. I went to sleep, and I was less. When I opened my eyes to the world on my 21st birthday, it wasn’t a day to celebrate. It was the same as any other.

I lifted my head to look at the blinding, ignorant world outside the window and felt an instant need to spew. I ran from my bed to the toilet and evacuated my guts into the bowl.

Everyday, the same.

I swallowed hard and panted as I rested back against the cold tile. I couldn’t keep doing this to my body, I knew it. Breaking myself down just so I could build myself back up, fuelling the demons just so I could kill them again in the ring.

The cycle, perpetual.

I stood and walked back out into the apartment she bought for me. At the window, I looked down on Brooklyn and Manhattan beyond that… and I felt, nothing.

Nothing.

On my skin and in my hair I detected more than one female aroma, though the memory of all that was a blurred recollection. I pressed my hand to the glass window and held myself up, the urge to vomit still there.

In my stomach I felt empty and in my heart, there was less than an ounce of anything. My vision was skewed by rainbows of light that weren’t on the spectrum and I didn’t recognise the reflection that stared back at me in the tinted window.

The night before, a Friday, I’d partied hard. Nothing unusual.

I didn’t vomit because of the drink, but because I indulged on everything to excess.

Everything.

Everything that was bad. Everything I didn’t want, but had to have anyway.

I threw my sack of shit body into the shower and burned the entrails away, from my skin at least. From my exterior, just not the inside.

Inside, decay and desolation remained.

I walked out for some breakfast—some orange juice and oatmeal—and picked up my mail as I walked back into the building.

Back in my apartment upstairs, I noticed a parcel amongst the junk—and was surprised to find it contained a number of legal documents. I had only moved in a couple days ago but Jennifer’s people had seen to all the admin on the apartment, so what this was I didn’t know. I feared the contents, unsure what was going on. I didn’t know about this kind of stuff. Since moving to New York I’d never had to worry about anything monetary because Jennifer had always taken care of that for me.

I scanned through and noticed the lawyers on the letterhead weren’t the people Jennifer used. I deduced I had become the owner of some other property and was convinced there had been some error. I called them and said, “You sent me all this stuff but I think there’s been a mistake…”

There hadn’t.

This, was genuine?

I signed a couple of things and personally returned the papers to the lawyers’ office on Third Avenue, first thing Monday.

I asked ‘Turner, Ace and Patrick LLP’ who’d done this for me? They wouldn’t say; they couldn’t disclose a benefactor who’d asked to remain anonymous. All that they’d say was that he had an unusual look.

In exchange I got handed the keys to a potential enterprise that was all mine and though I was suspicious, I went to inspect it anyway.

I walked around the empty space and envisaged how the building had been used before. There were too many tall windows to count and some of those industrial tube lights in the ceiling. It was clearly meant to be used as gallery space but needed work. Doors hung off hinges, damp lurked in places, the floors were a mess and the brick needed repairing—in fact it needed knocking down and starting from scratch! The place didn’t just pose an aesthetic challenge, but a structural one too.

With plenty of wall space available, I should’ve just bought a couple cans of spray paint and made it my own, called it art—had the hoards come through and pay to see the inside of my shattered mind.

I frequently dreamed of bleak landscapes… burning effigies. Bloodied and battered faces and piles of rotting corpses. If I unleashed my mind, who knew what I might create? No doubt something akin to the inside of her mind, something controversial enough to warrant a craze.

No, no! I had to switch that impulse off. It would be a place to sell photographs, not a canvas for the paintings that refused to erase themselves from my burnt vision.

It would cost a bomb just to keep the building standing, so I needed to find work—and fast. As I absorbed my surroundings, she texted and asked if I liked the apartment, my birthday present from her. I thought about my reply for a long time before I finally replied: It suffices.

I thought my response cold, to the point, unquestionable. Succinct. Nothing for her to chew through and spit out.

Moving out of her place on Fifth Avenue had been a long time coming. I never brought women home—I kept all that at the clubs. However, she brought her lovers home with her; men, women, multiple partners. It caused too many arguments between us.

So this gift—the gallery—definitely wasn’t from her. She only ever gave to receive and never without motive. She wouldn’t hand over a gallery in secret, it wasn’t her style. She was all about the showy gestures, all about the control.

This gallery wasn’t her idea. Whose, though? I couldn’t be sure.

As I wandered my own floors and checked out my new patch, I saw a chance. Possibility. Somebody out there wanted me to succeed. Who? I didn’t know! Yet someone could see in me some sort of potential. I had to believe that.

During the days that followed I returned to the gallery again and again, drawing up plans of what I would do with the place if I had money. I didn’t tell Jennifer I was in possession of a gallery but she found out anyway. She knew everything. She had spies, everywhere. She scoffed, of course, warned she would decimate any attempt of mine to make good on such a venture. I didn’t let her snide comments get to me because I had a gallery and that meant someone, somewhere, thought well of me. From then on, I would be better. I would.

I poured my liquor supply down the sink, this simple act already distancing me from who I didn’t want to be. I flushed my pill packets, too. It was time. I didn’t like that stuff and now I had something to work toward, I couldn’t be doing that shit anymore.

What more could she do to hurt me, anyway? There was no mortgage to sabotage, no reputation to ruin. My gallery, like my work, was the pits. Yet it had room for growth and she couldn’t touch that, even though she hated it.

I just didn’t know what lay in store for me.

If only I knew then, what I know now…

**********************************

Read the first book in the series for 99 cents or 99 pence. Unfurl will be available, very, very soon!!

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Contemporary romance #FREE to download – excerpt

angel avenue

**CLICK COVER TO DOWNLOAD FOR FREE!**

EXCERPT:

When I wake and realise it was a cruel dream, I ache inside. I find I am drooling on his chest and I retract my hold on him immediately. It’s early but I roll away and let myself out of bed. I look back on him and see he’s still fast asleep so I leave him there and head to the bathroom, where I look in the mirror and see my cheeks are crimson.

I douse my face in cold water but nothing is helping to rid myself of this heat all over my body. Instead, I walk to the kitchen and down a tumbler full of cold water. I still feel as hot as hell. When I walk by the bed and see his chest uncovered by the duvet, I stare at what is before me. Yes, I admit, he’s a man I want and I want him more than anything else in the entire world. He makes me feel safer than I have ever felt before in my entire life.

Phew. Getting that out there with myself is a relief.

When he rolls over and pulls the blanket up around himself, I watch the expressions he makes in his sleep. His nose twitches and he grunts. A smile falls across my lips and I don’t feel too bad then. It’s just the same old Warrick, growling and snoring. One of my secret behaviours these days is to smell his pillow when he’s not here.

I sit at my desk and do the only thing that will occupy my mind ‒ marking. I congratulate myself that if I do it now, I shall have the rest of the day to relax.

When I get bored after the first batch are done, I get up and head to the kitchen to brew a pot of tea. I fill two cups and put one by his bedside.

He hears the stamp of the mug and his eyes twitch open.

“Tea for you.”

I turn and sit at my desk and place my own cup down. I try to keep working but the mirror of my desk/dressing table is reflecting his image. He sits up and stares.

“What’s wrong?”

“Just marking. Is that a crime?”

“You seem odd.”

“All normal then.”

I hear him take a big sip and he puts the cup back down and rolls over to stretch, but the duvet shifts with him. In the mirror I see the whole length of the back of his body, on show.

He’s tight. No hair where there shouldn’t be any. Muscles in his shoulders and arse, thighs and arms. I am falling for him and his body is an added bonus. Christ! If only I can get my act together and stop being a cock tease.

Next thing I know, he leaps up to dash to the loo and I watch his body as he walks. My eyes peel wide open.

He returns and openly sups from his mug, standing there in only his boxers still. I fight every impulse to look and I end up just randomly ticking every page of the books I am marking!

“I have a thing today.”

“What thing?”

“My voluntary work. You know, the thing I dragged you to that time.”

“Ah, rule me out then.”

“I promised Joe I would drop in for Sunday lunch too. I do that about once a month.”

“Fine.”

I don’t know why he’s fishing for my approval. He pulls on his jeans and a vest he must have been wearing beneath the mustard jumper yesterday.

“I’ll just go then?” he huffs.

I turn in my chair to face him, and bite my pen.

“What’s wrong?”

He shakes his wild hair out and his eyes look manic.

“Guess I just feel a bit like I am getting the brush-off here.”

“Look, I woke early. I often do if I have had an early night.”

He hops on his feet and I stare him out, refusing to get as irate as him.

“Stay. Make yourself breakfast. Watch telly. This is just my life, you know. I mark all the time.”

He sits on the edge of the bed and drinks the rest of the tea.

“Have you had breakfast yet?”

“No,” I murmur, making random ticks still.

“What do you want then?”

“There’s eggs. I like mine poached.”

“More tea?”

“Yep.” I hand him my now empty mug.

He calls me for breakfast soon later and we eat at the tiny table, which he has laid properly and garnished with a flower from my bouquet of carnations in the kitchen.

I seat myself, though still in my nightdress and robe. I chomp through the food in my usual fashion and I see him watching me. He wants to know whether he outdid my day with Laurie.

I am not going to tell him that he most certainly did, nor in being here for breakfast and doing it all himself, he’s winning by miles.

“I have a favour to ask.”

“Yeah?” he cheers.

“We go on a half-term dash to Bruges every autumn, me and the girls. Betsy and Ruby. They’ve pulled out this year because, well, they hate me now I have implemented all the changes that Dickhead Jack imposed on us.”

“That’s sad,” he remarks.

“Ah, it doesn’t matter. I don’t work there to be liked. Look, anyway, I booked mine and can’t get a refund. My cabin was booked, you know, ages ago. It was a two for one thing, so if you want to come, you’ll go free but it’ll be with me, in a tiny cabin, for two whole nights. Otherwise I will be going alone. I mean, I don’t mind,” I swing my fork around, looking anywhere, “but I thought, well, you seem stressed from work and it would be free… for you. Seems a waste.”

“When?”

“Friday next week? Sails late afternoon.”

He chomps down on some egg and toast and consults with his memory.

“I will have to do some begging but I don’t see why not. Just means I might have to work overtime in the evenings next week.”

“Oh, don’t put yourself out. It’s not essential.”

I toss off my disappointment.

“I’ll come,” he smiles.

“You will?”

“Course,” he replies.

He stands and collects the plates. I hear him washing up while I finish my marking.

When he comes back into the bedroom, he’s dressed and ready to leave. A hand drops on my shoulder and he kisses my cheek.

“I’ll text.”

I grab his hand and halt him, “Thank you, for yesterday.”

I know I am blushing. I hate myself.

He smiles and the next thing I know, he’s out of the door and then the building. I miss him already. I’m falling heart-screamingly in love with him. That dream is going to be the undoing of me!

ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY SPECIAL

One year ago I published a book that I enjoyed writing from start to finish. In fact I absolutely loved writing this book! Sometimes in the writing and editing of some books, you go through tough times, but it wasn’t the case with ANGEL AVENUE. As Jules was falling in love with Warrick, I was too. I TRULY loved writing this book. It may seem vain or indulgent but even now, I can still turn to any page in that book and get drawn in. I ♥ it!!

angel avenueIt just so happens… you can download this contemporary romance for #FREE right now!!

When you write a book, you can only hope people get what you’re trying to convey. Some things went unsaid in Angel Avenue and that is because the story wasn’t about blowing thoughts and feelings out of proportion. It was about real people, real issues, and I didn’t paint a pretty picture of something which happens and destroys lives. It’s about reading between the lines and spotting when someone is suffering…

A year ago, I wrote an extended epilogue. I didn’t include it. Why? Because I wanted people to make their own minds up about what happens next for Jules and Warrick. So many times I considered releasing this long epilogue but even recently, when I read it, I knew it didn’t belong in the book. It’s up to you to decide what happens next and why Jules needed to spend time doing her thing for a while. A book doesn’t always have to be picture perfect, sometimes it can be honest.

This is a book to read if you’ve ever had something unexpected happen to you which derailed your life, derailed you. Basically, Jules forgot who she was because past influences snuck into the present. It really happens.

angel avenue1

Go forth and download: it’s the perfect holiday read; it makes you remember that what you have in life, particularly the simple things, are really so very great!

Happy Christmas!

Sarah x x

UNBIND CHAPTER 40 ‒ INSIGHT INTO CAI’S MIND

Guys and gals,

I am currently writing UNFURL, the sequel to UNBIND. #NaNoWriMo has so far helped me add 30,000 words to this WIP.

The following extract does NOT appear in UNBIND, neither will it appear in UNFURL. This is extra material, for those of you wondering about the content of UNFURL…

UNFURL is a dual POV novel that will take Chloe and Cai right up until present day. The tagline is “NO SECRET DIES”.

UNFURL will answer a ton of questions but also take Cai and Chloe’s relationship to another level… so here is a tiny, little *unedited* insight into the mind of CAI MATTHEWS…

***

I felt torn between maintaining composure and doing what she was trying to do earlier—rip the punch bag from the ceiling and then kick the stuffing from it until there was nothing left.

I wanted to smash something. Hard. Chloe didn’t know but I was an undefeated champion on the underground boxing circuit in New York. She didn’t know that all the stuff she was telling me—she used to compete and then gave up—made her more like me than even I could have guessed. I was stock still on my gallery floor just because I was terrified if I moved, I’d start punching and I wouldn’t be able to stop.

She’d just told me the horrific circumstances surrounding that scar on her head. Worse—she’d told me about the one man in the world who was meant to protect her no matter what—and he hadn’t.

“I have this memory,” she said pointing to her skull. “I can remember all the names and faces of people I’ve ever met. I remember when I fell from a rope swing into a stream when I was little, I was wearing some cheap high-top trainers I loved. They were ruined by the mud. I remember what top I wore to a school disco when I was 13, a thing I spent hours picking out. I remember the day Kay got her first tattoo,” she smiled such a sad smile it made me swell with love for her, “I remember how long she spent making sure the design was right, how faint she looked when the dude doing her ink brought the needle toward her skin. I remember the ringlets in Amanda’s hair and how innocent they were and I remember every, single moment of pure evil he ever wrought on us. You see I can’t forgive, Cai, not when I can’t forget.”

I shut my eyes, the red fury replaced by incensed, overprotective love. “I wish you’d told me all this sooner, tigress. I wish you had.”

“Why?”

“Because I’ve spanked you and hit you. I didn’t know, Chlo.” I finally allowed myself to react and slammed my fist against the floor, the urge to keep hitting something there… but quelled by her resounding presence.

“Yes, you’ve spanked me lots of times and I never said stop because I like it that we’re open enough to do that. It’s not the same, Cai. It’s just not… you’re not spanking me to hurt me, you’re doing it because you’re expressing our bond, our passion… I love it when you spank me. I love you.”

I wanted to rip her father’s insides out, then my own. “Look… the truth is… I don’t like spanking, Chloe. I don’t fucking like it. I just do it because I think you want it.”

I didn’t like it. I didn’t. Yet I wanted it. Wanted it like I wanted to fight. Hated that aspect of myself, couldn’t caution myself enough about the danger of letting myself loose, yet all the ways she made me feel unleashed me. Set me free. Made me who I really was. It was just that, he was a man I didn’t like, wasn’t yet happy to be. I didn’t want to be ME.

“I do want it, but only if you want it too,” she said passionately, like she thought she was saying the right thing. She was saying what she thought I wanted to hear but it wasn’t her fault she didn’t know the whole of me—I’d tried to keep the dark away from her shining light.

I felt manic, shaking my head side to side. “I want to please you, I always said that. I want to give you everything you need.”

“I only want you to make love to me, how ever you need to make love to me. I don’t care how… I love you. I just need you holding me. I don’t care about the rest, Cai! I don’t care!”

She was yelling, trying to make me listen. I was listening. It was just she didn’t know… she needed to know… but she didn’t know about the real me.

The demons danced constantly on both my shoulders.

I had to divert this away from me, so I stood and started pacing the room rapidly. “You’ll fight everyday now, Chlo. I’m not having you hide who you really are anymore. You’ll fight me and I’ll teach you some better tricks than the ones you learned. I’ll teach you and protect you. I don’t care if you hurt me, you can hurt me because I can take it. Chlo, you have to be who you are, do you hear me? You don’t know how much I need that from you? Please… say you’ll fight again, for me? Please baby.”

Her soft, plump body captured mine from behind and pressed against my back to give me shelter. “I’ll do it for you, if you ask it of me.”

I turned and put my hands on her warm cheeks, asking, “Fight for me.”

“I’ll do it.”

She let the demons keep dancing by not asking any more, but I didn’t mind, I’d rather they danced on both my shoulders than touch a patch of hers. “Good. You’ll still keep your figure. I want breasts and my big ass, still.”

“Okay,” she said, and then to quell the conversation, I took her upstairs.

I had something to prove to myself, not just to her. I had to give over control. I could do it. I could be different, I could break the cycle. I removed my clothes and told Chloe, “Tie me up. Do whatever you want to do to me. I need this. Now, do it. Damn it. Tie me up, tigress and use me. I’m yours to use, baby.”

She proceeded to bind me and dominate me. I was hard for the touch and scent of her before she even began kissing my body, inch by inch. I begged for her soft layers to take me home and it was a temporary reprieve from the raging war inside my mind.

The man I wanted to be and the man I was didn’t much like one another.

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**IMPORTANT NOTE** UNBIND does not have a cliffhanger. It was originally intended to be a standalone. Readers said they wanted more answers, so….

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